Dope or Nope: Global Entry Program

Picture it! America 2017. You’ve made it back from you overseas adventure, you get off the plane, you didn’t have to rummage through your stuff to find a pen and fill out the customs form, you leisurely walk towards customs – possibly take a bathroom break because… you know you have the time all the time in the world, and then confidently strut past customs to all that is waiting for you in the world BECAAAUUSE you have the golden ticket! Global Entry my dears. Welcome to the promise land.

I’m sure you’ve heard of Global Entry by now. Maybe you’ve seen a select few people walking straight through customs while you’re stuck in that ghastly passport control line, dreaming to yourself “IF ONLY I could be them!” Because if you are a millennial, an introvert, or really anybody these days you don’t like unnecessary crowds or speaking to random people lol.

Global Entry

Global Entry Trusted Traveler

Their tagline says it all! Which instantly makes me bust into the Jay Z and Linkin Park song lol.

There is nothing more annoying than waiting when you are on your way to or from your destination.

Do you see these wait times?!

Airport Customs Wait Times - why you should have Global Entry
Analysis conducted by the Global Gateway Alliance

After looking at this… I’m happy I have Global Entry.
You have to wait to check in, wait to get through the security line (which as a more seasoned traveller, I am always baffled by the fact that people STILL don’t know how this security TSA process works lol… I mean… THEY HAVE SIGNS. Pero, I digress) Then you get to your gate and you wait for the plane to arrive.

Global Entry wait times
Global Entry
Global Entry wait times
No Global Entry


So is this Global Entry thing Dope of Nope?

DOPE DOPE DOPE DOPE DOPE AF! The Global Entry program is the best thing for the international traveller and is absolutely necessary for the international business traveller. Why someone who travels to and from the U.S. ON. A. REGULAR. does not have this heaven-sent piece of plastic is beyond me.

Thank you airport people (read Department of Homeland Security) for creating the Global Entry Program! From those of us who just like to sit down quietly by the gate, avoid eye contact, and listen to our music on one of our 5 mobile devices while we people watch, as quickly as possible.

The Nitty & The Gritty of Global Entry

What exactly is this thing?

It is a lovely little card (that basically lets you part the red sea of travellers) The GOES program is essentially the Disney World Fast Pass of United States Customs that lasts 5 years. It looks like they are actually expanding to other countries too– how exciting!

The legit definition “Global Entry is a U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) program that allows expedited clearance for pre-approved, low-risk travellers upon arrival in the United States. Members enter the United States through automatic kiosks at select airports.” Check out all the airports with GOES kiosks.

What do I get with this thing?

  • A 5-year pass to tell all the haters you’ll see them later…literally
  • No waiting
  • No entry paperwork
  • Gliding through U.S. Customs
  • TSA Precheck – 180 airports and 30 airlines participate in TSA Precheck
  • You get access to expedited entry in other countries through International Arrangements.
    • Australia Smartgate system
    • Dutch FLUX program
    • Korean SES program
    • Panama’s Global Pass
    • Mexican Viajero Confiable program
    • UK Registered Traveller program if you have visited the UK 4 times in the last 2 years.

Why is this exciting….? Uh, why is it not? Idk about you but saving between 20 minutes to an hour waiting in the border control line lights my fire.

How can I apply for this card?

  • There is a 100 USD fee for the application but it is well worth it especially if you are not here for all the airport waiting.
  • The application process is fairly easy but the major barrier is being located, or not, near a HUB that has an enrollment center.
  • Visit an enrollment center, located at a HUB, for an interview. It seriously takes less than 15 minutes if you go in early.
  • There is no guarantee that you will be granted acceptance so check the eligibility requirements before you apply.

The good thing is that it looks like there is an enrollment center in every state. Check to see which one is closest to you.

Note that this is not a buddy system. If you are travelling with a companion or a child they cannot “Fast Pass-it ” with you. Each person or child must have their own card, even a 2-year-old, which if you think about it is understandable because passports don’t have buddy passes either.
If you need more information on the program, or are already sold on the bad boy and want to apply, this is everything you could possibly want to know about the Trusted Traveller Program.

Why do I love this sexy thing so much?

Well, let me count the ways!

  1. I don’t have to wait
  2. There is an air of exclusivity that comes with it because you have to be approved and seen as low risk
  3. I get to laugh at the suckers who wait in that awful customs line
  4. No interrogation by border control
  5. I don’t have to rummage through my things to find a pen I may or may not have
    • In addition to NOT WAITING IN THE CUSTOMS LINE, you also get to keep all of your clothes on, avoid getting felt up by TSA, and keep your beautiful packing intact. If this doesn’t excite you then I do not know what the heck will


If you are planning to go on many trips with your sexy ladies, sexy menzes, sexy lady, sexy man, or by your sexy damn self then this is THE way to go.

Luxury Category: Convenience.
You can get past customs quicker, to your checked bags quicker, to your ride faster, and to the next episode Game of Thrones faster… WITHOUT the feeling of violation you get from the customs agent just doing their job.


Have you been thinking about getting Global Entry? Do you have it already? Tell me about your experience with Global Entry in the comments below.



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DOPE or NOPE Global Entry



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